22 Sep Dropping the Iron Fist and Leading with Compassion By Sarah Mill
Consider this: why are we so quick to equate authoritative approaches with leadership? Why do we assume the way to earn respect is through leading with an iron fist? Are these effective ways to lead people toward a goal? Or are they merely myths and misconceptions that fail to look at the whole picture?
I know, you’re probably thinking that no one leads with an iron fist anymore. However, that might be part of the problem. If we think the problem no longer exists, the danger is that we will cease to learn, grow, and improve.
Research conducted by Dale Carnegie Training reveals that the traits people most look for from their leaders, including support, encouragement, and praise, do not always line up with the traits the leaders most often display. Perhaps it’s time to reflect on what we think we are doing and look at how our words and actions are being perceived by others. After all, being an inclusive leader has more to do with others than it does with us.
Before we talk about effectively approaching being a leader, let’s first define what leadership is. Leadership refers to influencing others toward achieving a particular goal. So, taking a closer look, it’s really about two main things: influence and a goal.
Being a leader is about influence, not power.
It is about reaching a goal, not obtaining authority.
This might be a good time to remind you that anyone has the potential to be a leader. You don’t have to have the fancy title or the corner office to influence others toward achieving a goal.
What you do need to have, however, is compassion.
While people may recognize the need for compassion, socially constructed beliefs lead us to see compassion and kindness as a weakness. Many managers and bosses dip their toes in the pools of compassion but avoid diving in out of fear of becoming “too nice” and therefore ineffective. However, more and more research links compassion to increased innovation and success.
Leaders depend on their scope of influence to inspire change and reach their goals. So, when UC Berkely psychologist Dr. Dacher Keltner let us in on the little secret that leading with compassion actually increases the influence one has over others, I knew it was time to debunk the myth of this “soft” skill. When it comes to leadership, compassion isn’t a weakness, it’s a superpower.
When you approach leadership with an iron fist, you place your power over the needs of your people. However, leadership cannot be grounded on selfish motives. Instead, the foundation must lie within the people. Leadership isn’t about having power over others, it’s about influencing them toward success, toward achieving milestones in a bigger mission.
As it turns out, a little bit of kindness and appreciation can go a long way. Helping your team members navigate adversity and letting them know they matter is just as important as reaching concrete milestones in any business. In fact, it might just help make reaching those milestones easier.
Inclusive leaders put the needs of others first.
A compassionate leader recognizing the role their team plays in successfully reaching any goal. Rather than simply viewing team members as another cog in the wheel or a means to an end, effective leaders recognize the person behind the position. We all have bad days and we all have moments where we fall a little short. Leaders who recognize this innate humanness and show compassion during tough times or failed attempts help employees not only feel recognized and valued but help them get back up, ready to try again. By increasing the support of the team, leaders encourage authentic innovation and inspire people to tap into their full potential.
A leadership article in the Harvard Business Review defines compassion as an “intent to contribute to the happiness and well-being of others.” As a leader, balancing compassion and power helps to “ counter the loss of empathy that results from holding power, and in turn enable better leadership and human connections at work.”
Inclusive leadership values human connection.
The old ways of ruling with an iron-fist foster resentment and hostility. Overly authoritative leaders, intentionally or not, have the potential to instill fear and thwart innovation and progress. When you call a team member into your office, it shouldn’t ignite flashbacks of a shameful walk to the principles office. If it does, I challenge you to broaden your relationships with and be more available for your team.
We must understand and value the role this human connection plays in achieving a better, brighter future. A compassionate culture fosters increased collaboration, stronger commitment, and higher retention rates.
Compassion goes beyond simply “being nice”. Now before you start thinking of some grand plan or putting together an initiative or task force, remember this: research suggests that the most powerful way to positively influence the well-being of others is simply through your day-to-day actions. So consider implementing the following into your daily routine:
- Get personal. This means going beyond the resumes, titles, and qualifications of your team. What are their interests? What is their home life like? The more you know, the more understanding you can be instead of always leading with your assumptions. Not only will this help establish deeper connections, but it will inspire more organic collaboration as well.
- Value well-being. When people feel cared for, they are more willing to take risks than if they sense a hostile environment. Placing value on well-being will not only encourage people to want to do more, but they’ll actually feel up for the task.
- Build a culture of inclusion. This is where you need to confront your biases. Go beyond checking the box of diversity and be intentional with your efforts toward inclusivity. Place emphasis on the value of diversity of thought and experience. Listen to what other team members have to offer. With an honest effort, you are bound to see the results of increased creativity and innovation.
- Be present. Put down your phone and minimize your inbox. Being present means actively listening to the ideas, concerns, and needs of others. Being present means truly being there for your team members, asking them questions to help you better understand their needs or proposals, and then taking action to address them. Consider having an open-door policy to encourage these interactions.
- Learn to listen. Listen with the intent to understand. Listening is about taking a backseat and hearing what the other person is expressing, rather than rushing to prove them wrong or sweep the problem under the rug. A compassionate leader is an active listener, not a passive one.
- Show appreciation. We all like to be recognized and appreciated for our hard work. With that said, if you value the work and input of others, let them know it. You don’t have to save the acknowledgment for the big things either. Small accomplishments or even personal achievements deserve a pat on the back too.
So be a little more present, give a little more praise, and you’ll be on your way to creating a culture of compassion and leading a team capable of doing great things. When it comes down to it, an effective and inclusive leader will always choose people over power.
